Did you ever see a crazy driver and wish you could just snatch them out of their car and shake them? I have. Did you ever see another driver do something stupid and then flip you off, as if it were your fault? I have too. Do you know one of these drivers and wonder how they survive every day? Me too. Don't you wish you could do something about it? I sure do.

Well, now you can. No, you can't punch them in the stomach, because that can get you into trouble. But you can give them this. Just take some copies of this article and keep them with you when you drive, so that you are always prepared. Then, when you see one of these idiots park their car, just nonchalantly walk over and gently place a copy under their windshield wiper. To avoid confrontation, try not to be seen by them. Just wait until they get out of their car and walk into the place they were going to, before you approach their vehicle. If they happen to see you do this, just say "big sale at Auto Zone this weekend" and walk away quickly. While you are performing this sneaky task, if you hum the theme to Mission Impossible, you will most likely be able to get away with it. As always, should you or any of your agents be caught or killed, the agency will disavow any knowledge of you or your mission.

Maybe they will actually learn something. Maybe they will see the err of their ways and take some copies too, so that they can help spread this message. Ok, here it is:

If you found this on your windshield, then someone thinks you drive like an idiot. Many drivers call each other idiots, under their breath, but the truth is, sometimes it is the idiot who is the one doing the calling. So, let me first explain the difference. There are generally two kinds of drivers out there. Safe drivers and idiots.
If safety is not your number one concern when you drive, you are an idiot. Too many people get killed on the roads today because of people like you. You had better slow down and quit tailgating and lane-dodging, before you kill someone. You have to allow room for error. If you are tailgating, there is no room to stop. If you are constantly changing lanes, especially if you quickly jump into the next lane, it's only a matter of time before you crash into someone.

If you have no concern for the law and a stop sign means only stop if you see a cop, then you are an idiot. I could understand if you were bleeding profusely and you were on your way to the hospital. But if you are flying around taking chances and risking getting a ticket, just to go home and watch tv, then you are an idiot. The same is true if you are on your way to the store for a gallon of milk, or any other function, where five seconds wont matter. If you hurry everywhere you go, even if it is just a few miles away, then you are an idiot. Do the math and you will see how stupid you look to everyone else around you.

When you merge onto the freeway, do you tailgate on the ramp, like an idiot? If so, how do you expect to merge? Do you even know what merge means? Why do you think they put those traffic signals on the ramps? Were you ever in the right lane when ten cars were all trying to merge at the same time? They look like a caterpillar, all bunched together, like one very long vehicle. You need to keep some space in front of your vehicle when you merge.

If there is a truck in front of you on the ramp and he is only going thirty mph, don't tailgate him. Stay back about fifty feet, to allow someone to merge between you and him. Failure to do this, will make the whole highway stop, which causes a traffic jam. Too many people often try to merge at the same time. And if you pass another car or truck, while you are still on the ramp and then cut across two lanes, you are really an idiot.

Did you ever see an idiot going slow in the left lane, then you tailgate him and try to make him get the hint and move over into the other lane where he belongs? Then quit tailgating, because you are the real idiot in that case. Whenever a slow driver ahead of you is getting on your nerves, don't get mad at him. Get mad at yourself, for not having any patience. With the population growing and the number of vehicles on the road constantly growing, we all really need patience now more than ever.

Where you ever cruising along in the right lane, going past an entrance ramp and the idiot in front of you starts to slow down, because he sees someone trying to merge? So you tailgate and cuss him out? Do you really expect every car to merge at the exact speed you are going? He's not the idiot for being extra careful, you are, because you're not.

When you are in heavy traffic, do you tailgate, so that the lane dodgers can't get in front of you? Why? They will change lanes again anyway, so just let them. They are not really in your way, because they go in and then out of your lane.

Do you think you can squeeze out an extra mile per hour, by tailgating and lane-dodging? You know what you are, I already said that.

Ok, let's recap and see if you learned anything. I'll dumb it down for all of you slow learners. Safe is good. Careful is smart. Patience is important. Fast is bad. Tailgating is stupid (because you are not going to get to your destination any sooner if you get closer to the car in front of you.) Lane-dodging only saves you a few seconds (if you do it constantly, all the way from point A to point B) and is not worth the risk. Seconds do not count, unless you are a doctor on your way to an emergency surgery.
You can find even more driver cuss-outs at www.bigcitydriver.com.

Ken Skaggs

1. Understand Traffic Waves
2. Prevent Traffic Jams
3. Stay Calm
4. Do The Math
5. Be Predictable
6. Time Traffic Lights
7. Expect the Expected
8. Compensate for the Ignorant
9. Teach Others
10. Make Sure an Accident is Never Your Fault
Read more

Here are some satisfied customers-
*Old Dominion Freight Line
*Plastic Express
*Dart Container Corp.
*Van-Pak Trucking
*GD Eastlick Trucking Inc.
*Alex Express
*Kenny Smith Trucking
*and many more.